# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
