i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
