You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
