She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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