It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
