i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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