I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
