almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
