i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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