So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This is classic penis vs brain.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
