Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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