Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my shit smells like andre
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
