We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
