I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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