The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He shit in the fireplace
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
