They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
