I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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