8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
