My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
