i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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