your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
