i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
