Sry I called you an 8
Is it because I queefed?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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