I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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