Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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