wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
