it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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