just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
