i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
