So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
