Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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