wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I pour the whiskey from now on
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