Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
