...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
