the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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