not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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