This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
