I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
