I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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