A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
