Christians are straight up FREAKS
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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