I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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