there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
