I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
