Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
