why didn't you poke me back
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
