It's like God shit irony all over that family
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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