just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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