and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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