My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
