there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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