you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
