im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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