His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
