Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
