can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
